She's a Rebel....and She's Dangerous

Green Day has always been my favorite band. They're from my hood. They are your typical punk rock band - fueled by adolescent angst and raging hormones. Solid musicians though. Listen to any track with Tre Cool on the drums and I'll take him against anyone when it comes to pulsating rhythm that never misses a beat. Three chord progressions? Yes, but with the spot-on lyrics and Billie Joe singing with such ferocity and Mike Dirnt on bass, it works.

Punk rock bands, like the rest of us, get older.  Dookie, Insomniac, Nimrod, Warning.....the songs with raucous downbeats and unabashed lyrics began to slow down as the years went by.  When American Idiot was released in 2004, many called them a sell-out.  You can't really compare 'Boulevard of Broken Dreams' to 'Basket Case'.  Was it really the same band?  For me and many others though, the album was a revelation.  When the band was working on a follow-up album to Warning, all of their material went missing.  Instead of whining about their stolen art and attempting to recreate what they had lost, they started with a clean slate.  There had been much in-fighting between the three of them.  Let's do something bold, they said.  Let's do something original, they pondered.  Let's challenge each other to be the best artists we can be.

To quote lead singer Billie Joe Armstrong - "We decided we were going to be the biggest band in the world or fall flat on our faces".

That's what the album meant to me - go hard or go home.

American Idiot was born - an album of revolution. An anti-war album.  An album about broken homes. An album about Jesus of Suburbia - a typical American teen raised on 'soda pop and Ritalin'. An album about St. Jimmy - a punk rock freedom fighter.

An album about Whatshername:  the female mother revolution figure.

And now we get to 2017.

In the days since the inauguration of our 45th president, I've been listening to this album on repeat. Beginning to end.  In 2004 I blew out the speakers in my Sequoia, listening to this album, carting my kids to soccer and softball.  Here we are again, Billie Joe, Mike, and Tre.  We are in the midst of a revolution. It will be lead, as well-evidenced on January 21st, by Whatshername.

Remember back in the 80's when a few moms got together and formed MADD - Mothers Against Drunk Driving?  I'll tell you now, my children are much more conscious of this than I ever was. Credit mothers who were tired of the carnage on the streets. Gun violence in our schools and in our homes? An organization called Every Town for Gun Safety is reshaping the narrative and pushing gun legislation agendas. Who started it? Moms.

Take away our health care? Take away a woman's right to choose. Defund Planned Parenthood? Think climate change isn't real? Make Muslims register? Think Black Lives don't matter? Think sexual orientation can be changed?

Think again.

The woman's march. It's not a moment. It's not one day. It's a movement.

Be warned. Be ready. We are woke. We are coming together. You pissed us off. We took some things for granted. We won't make that mistake again.

So contemplate this about Whatshername:

She's a rebel 
She's a saint
She's salt of the earth
And she's dangerous

She's a rebel
Vigilante 
Missing link on the brink
Of destruction


The revolution is here
Led by those of us in pink hats
Led by Whatshername

You Are Safe with Me

The Southern Poverty Law Center, which tracks hate crimes, has had 201 reports of such crimes, mostly against blacks, immigrants and Muslims, since the outcome of the presidential election. That's just the number tallied from Tuesday through Friday. They do not have the exact percentage increase, but to put it in terms we can all understand, it is much higher than post 9/11.

The examples of hate crimes cut across all of the groups that Trump denigrated during his campaign: Muslims, women, Latinos; and some he did not - e.g. blacks.  He made it clear during his campaign that if you are not a white Christian in this country, your worth will be questioned. If women say, yes but it was okay with us that he talked about sexual assault so brazenly and objectified women at every turn, because how could we ever vote for the that liar Hillary, then please look to his selection of Stephen Bannon, former Breitbart 'news' executive chairman, as chief white house strategist. These are some of the headlines on his 'news' service, ladies, and remember that Bannon will be one of the two most powerful men in the White House:

• "THERE'S NO HIRING BIAS AGAINST WOMEN IN TECH, THEY JUST SUCK AT INTERVIEWS"
• "BIRTH CONTROL MAKES WOMEN UNATTRACTIVE AND LAZY"
• "THE SOLUTION TO ONLINE 'HARASSMENT' IS SIMPLE:  WOMEN SHOULD LOG OFF"
• "TEENAGE BOYS WITH TITS: HERE'S MY PROBLEM WITH GHOSTBUSTERS"

The most outrageous of all? (although, seriously, it's hard to choose, they are all so horrible)

• "EXCLUSIVE - DONALD TRUMP PLANS TO CONTINUE GOP LEGACY OF LEADING ON WOMEN'S, CIVIL RIGHTS AGAINST RACIST, SEXIST DEMOCRATS"  

Just let that last one sink in for one moment.

You mean the Democratic party that nominated and voted into to office twice this country's first black President? Those racist democrats? You mean the Democratic party that nominated the first woman of a major political party to be President of the United States? Those sexist democrats? You mean the GOP who does not believe in a woman's right to choose? That's the party leading the fight for women's rights? You mean the GOP whose president-elect thinks that of the 11.1 million undocumented immigrants in this country, that 2 to 3 million of them are criminals?  18 - 27%? One in four?  You mean those civil rights? Spare me the complete and utter hypocrisy and flat out inaccuracy of that headline.

We need to take action. Even if that action is small, we need to build on how we are feeling today.

To that end, we have to take positive steps.

So what is something that we can do? How can we show support to those who are being targeted by hate crimes, our fellow Americans that enrich our culture and society?

It's simple and you might not think that it is much, but wear a safety pin.  A safety pin says 'you are safe with me'.  If you're black, Muslim, Latino, female, LGBTQ, or any group that feels scared and frightened after this election, I understand and feel your pain.  You are safe with me.  I hear you and I have empathy for your situation and I will fight for your inclusion in this society.  I've got your back.

But, beware: this has to come with action.  Please do not sit silently if you see or hear hate crimes happening.  An Assyrian-American woman was verbally abused by a BART passenger on Wednesday (yes, our humble left coast abode is rife with racism and xenophobia also).  The American woman was speaking Assyrian on her phone, when a fellow passenger repeatedly called her a 'stalker' and said she hoped she would get deported.  No one on BART did anything about it.  So please do this:  get your nose out of your smart phone, take out your earphones.  This is everyone's business.  If you see hate, speak up or take the safety pin off.

We can also do everything possible leading up to the midterm elections so that in 2018 and again in 2020, we will be poised to reject this hatred. This election cycle is over, but let's not lose momentum.

Look up organizations, like the above-mentioned Southern Poverty Law Center or the Council on American-Islam relations, to see how you can help or become informed.

Lastly, let me leave you with this:

My 19-year-old daughter sings in the choir at the Jesuit university she attends.  From the time she was a very little girl, I realized that the world and its suffering would sit heavily on her shoulders.
Last night during mass, she said she had to leave because she was crying so hard that she could not continue singing. The proliferation of hates crimes across America since that man's election made it to difficult for her to continue. These were the words she was singing:

When I am scorned, and mocked with hatred,
My heart is torn by looks of ridicule
I taste the bitter cup that Jesus drank,
Pouring out his life for the many, and for me.
When he said love one another, as I have loved you,
through the pain, as I have loved you,
with passion, now tenderly give your love to the outcast,
your strength to the weary, your heart to the broken, 
yes to me
--from 'Life for the Many' by Gregory Dale Schultz, SCU choir director

What I encourage her to do, is what I would encourage all of us to do.

Here are my steps:

I will hold your hand, stand by your side, listen to every fear and worry that you have, tell you how much I love you, promise you that we will fight against any and all hatred, and promise you that I will do my best to make this a country of inclusion.  We will use the outrage and heartbreak we feel to galvanize for this country's next steps -- away from hatred, blame, bigotry, sexism, racism, misogyny, and xenophobia.

You are safe with me.

#lovetrumpshate
#safetypin

To Any Trump Voter Who Wants to Understand Our Pain

I am a liberal.  I believe in progressive ideals.  I believe in moving forward. I believe, as a Christian, that taking care of the most vulnerable in society is doing the work that Jesus Christ has asked us to do. You might think it contradictory to some passages in the Bible, but I believe that God has made each and every one one of us exactly as he meant us to be and that each and every one of us needs protection and civil liberties under our laws.  That includes Muslim-, Latino-, African-, LGBTQ-, White-, Native-, Jewish-, and any other -Americans.  God made each of them just as he meant them to be.

I believe in the rule of law. I believe in our Constitution. I do not believe this country is a republic based on Christian ideals and beliefs.  I believe our country is a republic based on the ideals of all people being equal under the eyes of the law.  One of the first ten amendments to the constitution is freedom of religion; that includes ALL religions or no religion. I believe our leaders need to be people of integrity, authenticity, experience, humility, and grace.

In every other election cycle, we have had Republican vs. Democrat.  In every other election cycle, I could have accepted that the other side won without being heartbroken.  In every other election cycle, I believe that our very democracy was not at stake, no matter who won.

That is not the case in the 2016 election.

Donald J. Trump repeatedly and with impunity played into the fears of a white electorate. The fear that illegal immigrants had stolen their jobs; the fear that any Muslim entering this country is a terrorist; the fear that they were being persecuted for their Christianity; the fear that something had had happened to 'their' country and they wanted it back.

Donald J. Trump repeatedly mocked every value that we as parents set out to teach our children.  He stepped across every line of grace, dignity, humility, empathy, tolerance, and understanding.

He mocked a disabled reporter. MOCKED - made fun of someone who had a disability. He repeatedly made women feel like if they weren't attractive or svelte, that somehow they were lesser than. He called the Miss Universe winner 'Miss Piggy' and 'Miss Housekeeping'.  He called her names. He asked voters of Carly Fiorina - 'would anyone vote for that face'? He implied that a Fox News reporter must be on her period, that's why she was being nasty to him. We have spent years fighting for equal rights and for men to take us seriously in the boardroom, in the workplace, and in the home. I did not raise my two daughters to be talked to that way and I did not raise my son to talk to women that way.

Donald J. Trump showed a complete lack of empathy for a gold star family.  He questioned why the mother didn't speak at the convention.  He bragged that a soldier who had given the ultimate sacrifice for the United States of America would be alive today, had he been president.  Not only did Humayan Khan fight for our country and die, but he died while saving the lives of other American soldiers. Yet somehow Muslim-Americans are not worthy of his respect or even common human decency.

Donald J. Trump mocked a former presidential candidate, long time US senator, decorated military man, and a former POW who had spent five years, FIVE YEARS, in a camp being tortured. He said heroes were soldiers who didn't get captured.  He said he had sacrificed in building his real estate empire - building things is 'sacrifice'. There are no words for that kind of ridicule and insensitivity.

Donald J. Trump was your candidate because you believed he could make America great again - whatever that means.  With very little substantive policy put forth, he was going to bring back jobs to the United States (never mind the hypocrisy that he uses Chinese steel in his buildings and makes his ties in China and has never said he would bring these jobs back to America). He promised to repeal the ACA and replace it with some 'terrific'.  He promised everything with close to nothing to back that up.

It was okay in your view that he had zero political experience because he was a successful businessman and a Washington outsider.  Successful business people do not declare bankruptcy six times.  Successful business people of integrity pay contractors who do the work asked of them.

All of this and we haven't even gotten to his pussy-grabbing comment.
All of this and we haven't gotten to his calling Mexicans coming across the border in search of a better life, rapists and bad hombres.
All of this and we haven't gotten to his middle of the night twitter rants against anyone who dares to criticize him.
All of this and we haven't gotten to his refusal to release his tax returns or the fact that he admittedly has not paid taxes for the past twenty years.
All of this and we haven't gotten to his implication that maybe 2nd Amendment supporters could 'do' something about Hillary.
All of this and we haven't touched on his insinuation that if he were elected President, the first thing he might do is put his rival in jail, you know, like they do in dictatorships.
All of this and we haven't touched on his refusal to say he would accept the outcome of the election, if it did not go his way.
All of this and we haven't touched on his rallies where he wished he could go back to the days when he could just hit whoever was disruptive. I believe that's called assault.

So for the record, he's for assault in all forms: sexual, verbal, and physical. Not only has he repeatedly doubled down on the assault, but he has not apologized for it without adding a rejoinder of some kind.

The morning after the election, both of my daughters, called me, sobbing.  How could America elect a man who thinks women are objects? How could America elect a man with no decency, no experience, and no thought for anyone who isn't like him? How could America elect a man who has repeatedly discriminated against black people in his real estate business?

The morning after the election, my daughter heard from a good friend of hers who is half-Hispanic and half-Pakistani. She said that she was afraid; afraid for what the future holds in America for someone who looks like her.

A few mornings after the election, my Jewish friend who adopted an Ethiopian boy told me she was afraid for what the future holds for her son.

Every single criteria for decency and integrity that we expect in the President of the United States of America is not present in this man.

That is why my daughters sob. That is why people of color and people who are Muslim are afraid. That is why we are in shock.  That is why this is not simply red vs. blue, conservative ideals vs. liberal ideals. That is why we cannot come to grips with that man as our president.  He represents nothing about us.  Not one thing that we have tried to teach our children not to be and not to do and for that matter how we have taught our children to behave.  Not one thing.

I have seen some articles written about why people did vote for him and how they aren't racist or xenophobic or misogynistic. They voted for a stronger foreign policy and a better economy.  Well, those of us who are heartbroken and grieving about this election are doing so because we can't understand how you can skip over the first three to get to the second two.

Did we have a flawed candidate? Yes.
Did we have a candidate that at times exercised bad judgment? Yes.

But we did not have a candidate that was racist, xenophobic, or misogynistic. We did not have a candidate who ridiculed disabled people, decorated war veterans, latino people, fat people, ugly people, or Muslim people.  People who are just plain other.

That to us is the difference this time around.  The difference is wide.  The difference is deep.  The difference will take time to heal, if it can be healed at all.

This election has changed some of us forever.  But it will not hold us down or beat us back. We will continue to be champions of light, love, acceptance, inclusion, peace, and faith. We will fight to make sure that no one like Donald J. Trump ever gets elected again.

We will fight to keep everyone in this country safe who is not feeling safe after that man's election. As I stated at the top of this post,  I believe that taking care of the most vulnerable in our society is the calling of all Christians.  That is what I continue to believe and what I will spend my time, energy, and love working on.

Peace out.

How Low Can You Go, but More Importantly, How Long Are You Going to Be Down There?

If you've been around this life for more than a few decades, you'll have your share of valleys.  Peaks and valleys, for sure, but let's just talk about valleys today. Especially those valleys that you don't know are coming.  Let's face it, who does know?

The problem with the valleys is not that they exist; we'd be fooling ourselves if we thought we wouldn't hit life's lows.  Yes, the problem is not in their inevitability, but in their duration.   Just around the river bend? Just around the corner? Light at the end of the tunnel? Don't even know I'm in the river. Can't even see the tunnel, let alone some mythical place where light might shine again.

When you're mired in a slump or in the depths of grief, depression, or despair, there's no corner in sight. No river about to turn. No sun about to shine. I'm not talking about clinical depression.  That's another matter entirely and one on which I'm ill-equipped to advise.  I'm talking about the valley that comes when you lose your job (as I did) or your spouse or you realize your marriage is over or you get burned by a friend that you trusted with your deepest darkest secrets. The valley is wide and the valley is deep. The chasm is filled with turmoil and frustration, self-doubt, self-pity, and rivers of tears.

How much of the valley's burden would be lifted if you only knew when the timer was up? How low could you go if you knew you would definitely be able to get up pretty soon?

A good friend whose marriage ended told me that she hadn't expected her grief to be as lasting and deep as it was. She's bright, kind, capable, loving, energetic. Having what she held to be true proven very false, threw her for a loop.  A lasting loop.  If she knew going in - hey here's the deal - you're going to be so distraught, so angry, so depressed, so hurt, so why-me for about ninety days.....then on day ninety-one, poof, you're all good; she could have navigated days 1 and 23 and 45 and 58. Day 91 is coming.  You can count down.  You can hold your breath and tread water for that long, surely.  Wouldn't that be the trick?

When I lost my job, I went from shock (but yet, not awe), to disbelief, to anger, to can't I just roll back the clock and try that again? A little bump would send me reeling.  I probably cried more in the first few weeks than when both of my parents died.  Seriously.  That hurts to write, but it's true. If I could only tell when I would turn the corner, turn the page on it all, I could make it. I could navigate the valley.

As my father used to say, though, you don't know what you don't know.  When life throws us a curve ball, we swing and miss. We don't know what's going to happen next. Are we going to strike out? Are we going to get hit by the next pitch? Is the coach going to pull us from the game? Is everyone in the dugout thinking - why is this person even batting right now? Are the fans booing or cheering or does my name just rhyme with boo? Are we ever ever ever ever going to make it to first base?

So much noise. So much energy wasted on what everyone else thinks is going on. So much energy wasted on what everyone else thinks period. So much self recrimination and self loathing. It's not them, it's me. The world is out to get me. I shouldn't be up to bat. I am a failure. I can't do anything right. Nobody is every going to love me. Life isn't fair. Why don't I ever get the game winning hit in the bottom of the ninth inning?

There are times when you are in the valley when you forget you were ever on a hill.  Crying seems more ordinary than smiling or even mouth set in a straight line. The slightest thing can make you go batty.  Agh - I'm a failure. Agh - I can't do anything right. Agh- nobody is ever going to love me.  Agh - any criticism anyone has ever wagged in my direction is true.

Then you simply step back and take a deep breath.  Take one deep breath. Take one deep breath and quiet the noise in your head and the voice that says you are not enough and you are not up to the task.

The sun comes up. The earth turns. The hurt is a little dulled.  Something arbitrary makes you smile. The pain doesn't cut through you like a knife.  A better day seems possible.  You make a mistake and you don't fall apart.  You trust someone with a little bit of your soul and it doesn't get shredded.  If you'd only known at the beginning, that there would be an end to the misery. Ah,there's the rub. When you are low and feeling defeated, you do not know. You never know when it's going to end.

There is just one thing.

That one thing is you.

You have to get yourself out of it. You have to choose not to wallow.  You have to choose to turn the page. You have to listen to friends who love you.  You have to have faith.  When you're feeling that the low is as low as it's going to go and there is no end in sight, do not do it.  Do not succumb to the exquisite pleasure of hiding under your blanket in a dark room.  Do not succumb to 'the world is out to get me'. Do not blame your valley on someone else's peak.

Guess what? Doesn't help.  It's only you. It's only you and it does get better.  I can't promise you when it will end. I can't say when the lows will ebb and the pain will recede.

I can only promise you that it does.


Every valley shall be exalted
And every mountain and hill made low
The crooked straight
And the rough places plain
--Isaiah 40:4
--Handel's Messiah
--but really Isaiah 40:4

Exalt in your valley and what you learn from what's it like in there.

Then make that rough place plain.

Find your tribe....and then please leave all other tribes alone

We've heard it often enough before:  if you feel out of place and wondering where you might fit in, you need to 'find your tribe'......meaning people like you or at least people with whom you feel comfortable and at home.  It's a community where you can feel safe, feel free to be yourself, be vulnerable, laugh hard, cry a little, argue a bit, and then still be a tribe in the morning. We say it a lot to middle schoolers.  You know, those kids in the awkward in between stage of being a child and a young adult.  You know the time in our lives none of us older than 18 would ever want to repeat again. You're growing into yourself and finding out who you are.  Helps if you can do it somewhere you click, somewhere you just go aaaahhhhh, these people are like me and these people like me.

So you need to find your tribe.

Here's the thing we all need to remember though when we find our own tribe:

Other tribes do not suck.

It always amazed me after decades of being under Soviet rule, how quickly all of the ethnic battles popped right back up and got bloodier than ever when the USSR fell apart and with it the hold of communism on the eastern block countries.  We didn't like you a hundred years ago, we still don't like you today. Maybe we've been at peace for a while, but it's all about who gets the power now. And when my tribe is in power, I'm going to make sure I do everything to squelch your tribe.

The Armenians didn't like the Azerbaijanis, the Serbs didn't like the Bozniaks and the Croats, the Sunnis still don't like the Shiites, the Hutu slaughtered all the Tutsis, the Arabs are constantly at war with the Jews, the Irish Protestants loathe the Irish Catholics, the Republicans don't like the Democrats.

People. People listen. Let other tribes be. There's a place for everyone. There's never going to be enough power to go around.  Everyone wants their tribe to be on top.  But here's the catch:  we never come to any agreement or workable solution without one side giving some and the other side giving some and meeting somewhere in the middle.

What if we just said, what I have is enough?  I have enough and I want everybody else to have enough.

So if you are at all physically and mentally capable, you take care of your own self (as a viral toddler rant on the internet once went).  If you don't believe in abortion, don't get one. If you want to worship Allah, great! But don't kill people who worship Jesus Christ. If you believe a black life matters, don't kill a blue one.

You have your tribe and you love your tribe but we all need to live in the world with other tribes. OK. But do you have to take all the other tribe's stuff? Do you have to dominate the other tribe and make the other tribe feel lesser than and unworthy and humiliated? Do we have to use the words libertard and repuglican? Didn't our mothers and fathers tell us not to call each other names?

I've often wondered who Bashar al-Assad is going to rule when the bloody Syrian civil war is over. He's killed most of the Syrians or they've fled the country.  Is it really that important to have killed that many of your own people so that your tribe can rule? Rule what? Rule whom? Will you have a country left? You're going to be a tribe of one. Guess what?  Not a tribe.

We live in a country where a lot of people have come to escape ethnic cleansing and civil war and genocide.  Immigrants among us? Start by looking in the mirror.  Our country is not a white country. Our country is not a Christian country.  Our country is made up of all different kinds of people, races, religions, ethnicities, and cultures.

People. Let's celebrate tribes.

Of all kinds.

Your tribe will still be around in the morning.

This is my tribe

Cindy Lou Who

I got this feeling when I was listening to the national anthem before the NHL Finals game 6 between the Sharks and the Penguins on the night of the Orlando massacre.

Listening to those beautiful words after the horrific events of that early morning, reminded me of Cindy Lou Who.  You know - the little Who who taught us what Christmas really meant.  The Grinch tried to steal Christmas. He took the presents, the bows, the trees, the ornaments, the food for the feast.  He thought he'd squashed their spirit and their holiday.

Yet he couldn't load the essential element on his sled because it was intangible.  The Grinch couldn't understand why the Whos weren't upset.  He'd taken all of the things he thought were important. Come Christmas morning, though, all the Whos woke up, walked outside, joined hands and sang. Sang to welcome Christmas morning. Sang to be glad to be together and share fellowship and welcome the day. It wasn't about things. It was about people, community, togetherness.

Here in these United States, we feel the same.  We start every sporting event by singing the national anthem.  No matter which side you're rooting for, there's one side we all root for:  our country.

If anyone thinks they can take our freedom and our pride by stealing it, by bombing it, by shooting it up - well, quite frankly, they have another think coming.  Being American, being able to express yourself, being who you truly are, living and loving and pursuing happiness....that's not something you can buy at the store.  And, no, the victims of the Orlando massacre are not things.  Far from it. But terror tries to take freedom. Terror tries to take our souls.  Terror tries to tell us to stay home. Don't go out dancing, don't pursue happiness, be submissive, walk only one line and be only one way. Stay in the proverbial closet.

So let's just be clear:

That is not who we are.

That is not what we do.

We are everyone.  We are every person.  We are gay, straight, white, black, rich, poor, Christian, Jew, Muslim, atheist, young, old, tall, short, nice, mean, blonde, brunette, southern, northern, liberal, conservative, married, single, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, cousins.

You cannot terrorize us.

We will not let you.

We will not stop being who we are and doing what we do.

We will persevere.

We will join hands and celebrate the day and celebrate freedom and sing loudly and boldly.

We will not go away.

We will not quit being American.

Next!